They don’t stop! There’s actually an entire website devoted to the dumb things that doctors say! These pearls are from http://myobsaidwhat.com/ These are my favourites from Jan 1 – March 21 2011. Make sure you read all of them – my favourite one is 2nd from the bottom. 😛 My comments are in blue. I couldn’t help myself! Please excuse them if they are overly sarcastic!
“Well, At Your Age, You Have To Realize Your Eggs Are Rotten.” – OB to mother who was having trouble conceiving after 40 years old. Rotten eggs hey? Is that why old ladies smell funny?
“…If You’d Increased The Pitocin When I Told You To, I’d Be Home Asleep Right Now.” “I can’t believe I had to get up to come and deliver a baby at 3 o’clock in the morning. If you’d increased the pitocin when I told you to, I’d be at home asleep right now.” – OB to nurse while mother was pushing out her baby. After all, what is more important? A healthy mum & bub, or an OB who got a full night’s sleep?
“If You Don’t Eat Fruit, Your Baby Won’t Be Fat.” – OB to mother worried about a large baby due to the family history of large babies, including both the mother and father weighing over 9 pounds. Fruit = fat. I must remember that.
“Why Are You Walking Around? I Bet You Haven’t Progressed At All. You Shouldn’t Be Walking.” – OB to mother in labor at the hospital. Fancy trying to progress while walking. Much more effective use of gravity to lie on the bed. Silly Mumma.
“Water Birth? How Can *I* See Anything Then?” – OB
“…I Don’t Have All Day Here.” “Well how long do you expect that to be? I don’t have all day here!” – OB to mother after birth, who had asked for the OB to delay clamping and cutting the cord until it stopped pulsating. Yes. How rude. Expecting an OB to hang around a hospital until their job is done properly.
“You Already Have The Scar…” “You already have the scar. Having a vaginal birth now won’t take that away.” – OB to a VBAC hopeful mother at 28 weeks. After all, the scar is all that matters now…
“Stop Screaming, I Have To Get This Thing Out.” – OB to mother as the OB pulls on the umbilical cord in order to remove the placenta. Ummmm ever thought she may be screaming for a reason? Like the fact that you are hurting her, and could cause her to hemorrhage?????
“In The Future, All Babies Will Be Born By Cesarean Section.”– OB to expectant parents at a prenatal visit when explaining why a VBAC was not possible. I wonder how that will happen – I mean, I had an accidental unassisted delivery at home because he came to fast. How would I have got my c/s at home?
“…That Moaning Isn’t Going To Get You Anywhere…” ” You know, that moaning isn’t going to get you anywhere, you might as well stop.” – Anesthesiologist to mother during labor. Bah, moaning is a fantastic way to release tension. Read William’s birth story.
“I Knew A Woman Who Had A Midwife And Her Baby Died.” – OB to expectant parents at first visit during discussion of home birth options. I think you know more than one OB whose baby has died too. And OBs where the mumma has died.
“…You Probably Just Wet Yourself…”
Dr: “Let’s rupture your membranes for you.”
Mother: “I am pretty sure they already ruptured. I told the nurse that I felt a slow gush.”
Dr: “You’ve had an epidural. You probably just wet yourself.”
Doctor then procedes to insert and manipulate the amni hook, then stops abruptly.
Dr: “And that would be your baby’s head I am poking.”
“You Need To Think About How Long You Are Going To Let This Continue.” – OB who tried to break the bag of water without consent and being stopped by the father of the baby Why should it be up to the father to have to stop when a woman said no?? Thank goodness he was there to stop this birth rape.
“If I Had Known Your Baby Was Going To Be That Big, I Would Have Scheduled A Cesarean.” – OB to mother who had just delivered an 8lb baby after a three hour labor. Oh dear. 8lb. 3 hour labour. That’s attrocious.
“Conception Date Has Nothing To Do With Due Date!” – OB to mother who stated the conception date and why she felt the due date should be different. Yes. Babies are not created the way you think they are. It is a mystery that only us OBs know, and we are not going to tell you.
“…You’ll Just Be Getting Induced With Pitocin, But You’ll Birth Naturally.” “It will be a natural birth. You’ll just be getting induced with pitocin, but you’ll birth naturally.” – OB to mother when setting up her induction. Mother had stated she wanted a natural birth. Man some doctors are clueless. I guess that’s why it’s a good idea to question them beforehand to find out what their ‘routine procedures’ are (that get done on every woman).
“I’ve Induced Over 70 VBACs With Cytotec…” “I’ve induced over 70 VBACs with Cytotec, and they were fine!” – OB to mothering planning a VBAC. I guess you’ve never seen the packet that has a big picture of a pregnant woman with a cross through it??? Women & bubs die from this stuff! And the chance of uterine rupture with it? The mind boggles.
“Your Cervix Has No Nerve Endings!” – Nurse to woman complaining of cervical/uterine pain. Obviously that nurse’s head has no brains.
“Come Back When You’re Screaming.” – Midwife to mom who arrived in labor at the birth center, but did not appear to be in *enough* pain. I have never screamed in birth – except with the episiotomy they gave me. I guess if I’d come back in when I was screaming, I would have had 2 accidental unassisted homebirths, instead of just the one.
“…There Was A Good Chance Your Baby’s Head Could Have Ripped Off.” “Oh, that’s good you had a cesarean section. You never would have found a doctor to deliver a breech baby and if you did there was a good chance your baby’s head could have ripped off.” – L&D Nurse to mother. Sure there was. IF YOU TUGGED ON THE BABY’S BODY WHEN THE HEAD WAS STILL NOT OUT!! If only we could educate some of these doctors & nurses.
“…Pushing Upright Will Cause Death To You And Baby.” “Your blood pressure was elevated throughout a contraction, so pushing upright will cause death to you and baby.” – L&D Nurse to mother during labor. Um, call me dumb here, but doesn’t your blood pressure increase when you are working hard? Wouldn’t it also increase during a contraction if you were lying down?
“…I Could…Put The Baby Intro Distress” “If I could get an order from the OB, I could pit this patient and put the baby into distress so the doctor could come in and cut the baby out.” L&D Nurse to others at the nursing station. This is horrid. Totally horrid.
“…The Baby Is Never Going To Come Out That Way…” “Ok, the baby is never going to come out that way. We need to get you on your back.” – OB to mother who was pushing with a squatting bar. There were so many comments like this one. So sad the lack of faith they have.
“Twins are ready sooner because they grow faster than a singleton.” – OB Err, no, the mothers body is just not able to support growing twins, and they feel it would be safer for them earth side. There are women out there that do amazing jobs at feeding themselves, and they go to full term – to their due month.
“Your poop could be sucked into the vaginal canal…” “We don’t allow you to eat because your poop could be sucked into the vaginal canal and cause an infection.” -Triage nurse when mom asked why she couldn’t eat once admitted to L&D . ROFL a poo sucking vagina. Nice image 😛
“…Just putting in an extra stitch. It will make your husband really happy.” “I’m almost done, just putting in an extra stitch. It will make your husband really happy.” -OB during tear repair. I’ve read this one a few times too. Don’t they realise that the vagina is made to stretch and shrink – much the same as a penis is? Don’t they know that that ‘extra stitch’ causes pain, and therefore makes the husband ‘less happy’ as the wife doesn’t enjoy the ‘pain sessions’, and therefore says ‘not tonight’ a whole heap more?
Bah. crazy, silly and I am sorry for women in labour everywhere who have to deal with people and attitudes like this.